Honor thy father and thy mother, Part One

Tonight, we will begin reflecting on the 4^th commandment,

Honor your father and your mother.

So far in this series on the 10 Commandments, we have discussed the two Commandments dealing with interior acts of the will (#10,#9), and now four commandments that have dealt with external acts of speech or bodily action dealing with our neighbor (#8,#7,#6, and #5).  With #4 tonight, we will conclude the latter commandments dealing with our relationship with our neighbor. Commandments #3-1 all deal with our relationship with God.

It is vitally important for our relationship with others, and for the good of society overall, that we honor those in authority.  This Commandment is explicitly directed to children in their relationship with their parents, but it also concerns every person’s relationship with authority of any type in society.  Our Lord did say, after all, to “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's” (Matthew 22:21).   If we do as this Commandment says, both in the family and in civil society brings spiritual blessings, as well as peace and prosperity in our land.

We will separate our discussion of this Commandment into two posts: the first, tonight, we will discuss parental authority, and in the second part, we will discuss civil authority.

Parental authority is exercised in the family.   As most of us know, there has been a lot of discussion in the recent decade, both in and outside the Church, on the state of the family today, and what can be done to better take care of, and foster, good, devout family life.   Why does the Church hold the family in such high esteem?  The family is both a supernatural and a natural good in the eyes of the Church:

1)      Supernaturally, the family is a domestic church, and a communion of persons.  It is a specific revelation of the Church, a family of communion, where each draw strength from the other, and from God, leading each other towards God together, living a life of supernatural virtue. Listen to these beautiful words from the Catechism (#2205):  The Christian family is a communion of persons, a sign and image of the communion of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit. In the procreation and education of children it reflects the Father's work of creation. It is called to partake of the prayer and sacrifice of Christ. Daily prayer and the reading of the Word of God strengthen it in charity. The Christian family has an evangelizing and missionary task.

2)      Naturally, the family is the original cell of social life.   Again, from the Catechism (#2207), we read:  Authority, stability, and a life of relationships within the family constitute the foundations for freedom, security, and fraternity within society. The family is the community in which, from childhood, one can learn moral values, begin to honor God, and make good use of freedom. Family life is an initiation into life in society.   In taking care of one another, children learn skills to help them become generous in later life.

Because the family is the building block for society, society has an obligation itself to honor the family, and provide the necessary conditions for its flourishing.   The Catechism (#2211) lists several things society needs to ensure for the good of family life:

the freedom to establish a family, have children, and bring them up in keeping with the family's own moral and religious convictions;

- the protection of the stability of the marriage bond and the institution of the family;

- the freedom to profess one's faith, to hand it on, and raise one's children in it, with the necessary means and institutions;

- the right to private property, to free enterprise, to obtain work and housing, and the right to emigrate;

- in keeping with the country's institutions, the right to medical care, assistance for the aged, and family benefits;

- the protection of security and health, especially with respect to dangers like drugs, pornography, alcoholism, etc.

- the freedom to form associations with other families and so to have representation before civil authority

The family imposes obligations on society, but also obligations on those within the family.  Children, whether minors or adults, are called to filial piety (a virtue and a gift of the Holy Spirit, if you recall).   They should show gratitude for what their parents have done and continue to do.  They need to be obedient to them when they live under the parent’s roof (unless they ask the child to do something immoral.)  Even when the obligation of obedience ends because they are old enough to move out, and be on their own, they must always show their parents respect.   When the parents grow old, children are responsible, as best they can, to provide material and moral support.  At every stage of life, all of us need to heed these words from Scripture:

For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother. (Sirach 3:2-6)

O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. . . . Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord. (Sirach 3:12-13,16)

This filial piety towards our parents should promote respect and peace in our relationships with our siblings, extended family, as well as pastors and teachers.

Parents themselves also have duties and obligations in the family.   They must regard their children as children of God, and as persons of their own.   They must educate their children; indeed, they are the primary educators of them.  Having said that, they can also enlist the help of others, and with that, comes the right to choose a school for their children based on their convictions.  They must teach by word and example the virtues, self-denial, self-mastery, and sound judgment.   They have to discipline and correct their children when necessary for their own good.   They must teach them the faith.  This includes evangelization (the core Gospel message of salvation offered through Christ), as well as catechesis (understanding and living out the Faith), and how to pray (helping their children develop a relationship with God).   In addition to their intellectual, human, and spiritual needs, parents must also attend to the physical needs of their children, taking care of them when they are ill, and ensuring they can grow to be healthy adults.  When their children become old enough, and when the aforementioned obligation of obedience on the part of children ceases, parents must give their children the autonomy to make family and career decisions on their own, but of course, parents have the right and duty to give counsel in these matters.

So this Commandment indeed does pose obligations on a multitude of persons, not just young children.  It poses responsibilities on not just young children, but older children, as well as parents, and the entire society.  Truly we can see here, like we can with the other Commandments, that there is more to it than meets the eye.  And we shall see more in Part Two when we consider more in detail civil authority, and our responsibility to it, and its responsibility to us.

In closing, I would like to express a word of gratitude for the gift from God of my own parents, who I feel did a very good job raising me, despite the challenges I am sure that came with that.  Their love remains a constant source of joy and encouragement in my life.   I am also grateful for the gift of my two brothers.  The love from my parents was reflected in a way by them in their love for me.  I hope I have returned love to both my parents, and my brothers in a way befitting the honor of being a son and brother. 

Joseph, glory of home life, pray for us.